Consider the Kid

One of the families for an adoptive parent panel (where a few families who recently returned from adopting come to speak to those still waiting) brought with their 4 year old daugther as well as their newly adopted daughter who was just over one year. We were waiting to enter the room to begin the session, so I was playing with the kids. This family’s older daughter was dressed in the traditional Chinese qipao, a long silk dress usually characterized by its high, tight collar and chinese-style buttons securing the chest enclosure. One of my colleagues remarked how cute she looked, to which she duly responded: “I’m playing dress-up today.”

Here’s what ran through my mind at that moment: ….

That’s right, nothing. I didn’t know how to respond, because the truth is, that 4 year-old had just verbalized my exact thoughts as though she had been perusing my brain moments before. Ugh…yeah, that’s exactly what it is, kiddo. In fact, having an adopted child wear traditional clothing doesn’t necessarily offer a connection to his or her heritage. It’s more a game of dress-up and fantasy-play.

I think about all the families who adopt in China, and take the ritual ‘red couch’ photo at the White Swan Hotel, which is the last stop on an adoption trip. In this photo, all the children being adopted are dressed up in traditional Chinese attire and seated on a red velvet couch in the lobby of the hotel for a group photo. Families often buy more than one of these outfits and in larger sizes for their child to wear as they get older. It seems that many families feel that by doing this they are keeping their child’s ethnic culture alive in their child’s life. But is this what it is really doing? Do modern Chinese nationals in China wear clothing like that? Do they dress their children up like this? What about Chinese immigrants who still want to maintain their culture while being in a foreign country? Do they dress their children up in traditional Chinese clothing as a way to maintain their heritage?

No, of course they don’t. Don’t get me wrong, the traditional certainly plays a role in Chinese society–especially in terms of holidays, customs, and beliefs–however, it is only part of a larger, more complex China. Many newspapers and magazines frequently publish articles describing the rapidly changing face of China under modernization. Western influences are affecting every aspect of life–finance, law, holidays, clothing, music, politics, just to name a few–and it’s important to incorporate these new identities of China into your child’s life as well. What an embarrassing and frustrating experience it could be for Chinese adoptees to grow up having this idea of their birth land as being “backward” only to discover how similar China is and how it is exploding as a world leader. Therefore focusing on the old, the traditional, and the past ill-prepares adoptees to be diasporic children of the country in which they were born.

Incorporating an adopted child’s culture into his or her life is important and necessary of course, however the issue should be pursued with a depth of knowledge of the birth-land and offer information on many different aspects of the country’s history and array of customs. After all, adoptees are no longer rural children. Instead, they are global citizens who go from being simply “Chinese” to instead “Chinese-Americans”, needing not only a knowledge of the traditions of China, but also its current conditions.