Consider the Kid

In thinking about the adoption tax credit issue, and whether the money is being spent appropriately helping adoptive families or instead allocating it towards helping keep birth families together, I start to investigate the causes of abandonment and relinquishment. One such cause that I find particularly interesting is that of society’s values, and in particular, that of individuality.

It’s easier (at least for me) to tackle this issue by looking at its opposite. Take, for example, the Middle East, where individuality is not stressed within society. Instead, it is the family and community which are supreme in importance. Here, in these countries, one does not make decisions thinking they will only affect oneself, rather they are always conscious of the family’s honor and reputation. This focus on family is not just on the nuclear family either. It extends to aunts, uncles, cousins, second-cousins, great-aunts, one’s brother’s wife’s sister’s husband. Furthermore, children generally live at home until they marry, and even then they do not often move outside of their village or hometown. Each weekend, they will go visit family, further keeping those ties. If one person or family within the greater ‘clan,’ other family members will help however they can. This includes caring for children. If a family has a child which they cannot care for, or if both birth parents are deceased, other family members will take the child in and care for it. This is what family does because this is the responsibility of family.

If we look at places such as the United States as a counter-example, we see that this society values individuality far greater than community. Just look at our families themselves. I have family in California, New York, Minnesota, Illinois, and Virginia. Being this spread apart, we cannot simply get together regularly to keep in good contact with each other. In fact, I’d say I am closer to some of my friends than I am to some of my family; something that just wouldn’t happen in the Middle East as readily. Here in the U.S. children typically leave their parents’ homes when they turn 18, and they’re often required to provide for themselves. Family support systems are often not as strong because of the stress on individuality. Therefore, if a young couple here has a child which they cannot care for, giving this child to strangers to raise is an option.

I do want to stress that I am simplifying the problem somewhat. I understand that there are other causes and reasons for why a child is offered for adoption. I just feel that when thinking about the adoption tax credit or similar issues of supporting birth families, money isn’t always the answer for giving a birth family a chance at success. What we need in conjunction to this is also a change in society’s values which is much more difficult yet vital to decreasing the number of children separated from their birth families.