Consider the Kid

So, I felt I had this epiphany the other day. It was while being at some mandatory meeting about HIPAA requirements of all things. As the instructor was going over transmission of Hepatitis C, I was sitting there daydreaming about other things such as our role as an adoption agency in the greater society. That’s when it hit me.

Americans have a hunger for perfection and guarantees which seems to stem from our drive for business and free markets. And this characteristic of American culture is terrific when applied in these arenas—I mean, just take a look at how successful this country has become in the world of international business. However, this demand for perfection and guarantees can be ineffective and even detrimental in certain contexts such as adoption.

See, adoption agencies, such as the one I work for, are quite bizarre for the American to navigate. After all, at a first glance we seem like a business: we have our own bureaucracy with a defined hierarchy, there are fees to pay at certain times and loads of paperwork to complete, and we participate in media campaigns and community outreach. But, when it comes down to it, this is merely a façade that we must exude in order to play in the sand box with the big boys. See, adoption isn’t a business, and therefore shouldn’t be run like a business. In fact, if you speak with any of the social workers or adoption coordinators at my organization, we’ll all tell you that we feel that we are facilitators in assisting families to grow through adoption not baby sales representatives.

However, due to our appearance and the American culture, we often have families approaching us with the same attitude they have when buying a refrigerator, for example. They will amuse us by filling out all the paperwork needed, but they come in with an idea of what model, color, and size they want, and want to know how much will it cost, when will it be available for pick-up, and what happens if it breaks down. We fight against this sort of attitude every single day because what we realize is that people cannot have this attitude towards their family. It doesn’t work well because these are human lives that we’re dealing with not refrigerators.

Creating a family is a very personal and intimate journey that cannot be treated in the same manner as usual business transactions. It’s a process of facilitation in which all the actors are really on the family’s side (although truthfully, we’re on the child’s side more) in trying to help see the adoption come to fruition and resulting in a win-win for both family and child. I think often times families feel their adoption agency is working against them, forgetting that we do the best we can for each family hoping to adopt although sometimes there are road blocks that may make a process more difficult or implausible altogether. And its these road blocks that are in place to secure the best interest of each child which really is (or at least should be) at the heart of all of us enduring this journey.