When we first made the decision to adopt, my husband and I had simply thought that we were a family looking for a kid, and there were lots of kids looking for a family. While I worked in the adoption field, I told him about long waits for “healthy” kids and how there were all these terrific kids with special needs still waiting. After talking about it, we both agreed that we would adopt a child with a special need. Instead of studying this morning, I chose to do some preliminary research on some special needs. At first, I have to say I was being short-sighted. I suspect it’s the type of short-sightedness any new parent may have: Building up the most perfect idea of what you want your kid to be like — what sports they will be participating in, what hobbies they will have, etc. So, when I looked through these needs I thought things like “oh no, our child can’t be hard of hearing because then they won’t be able to play team sports, and I loved playing sports and I want my child to be able to enjoy that…so…hmm…yah, I don’t think so.”
So here I am, calling the name of this blog, “Consider the Kid,” when I was masking my desires and expectations behind a facade of being concerned about how a child will fit into our family. What I should have been doing is considering a particular child’s desire for self-actualization and how I could aide that. Even if we adopted a child that had no hearing problem doesn’t secure that they would want to play sports at all. It’s their life, and I’m here only to civilize them. I am to teach them how to act appropriately in public, to hug those they love, to find compassion for those they dislike, to use words instead of violence to deal with difficult feelings, to be responsible for their words and actions, to assist them in anyway I can to allow them to reach a goal or dream. I’m not here to force my expectations of having a child who plays hockey or masters the piano or is a black belt in karate. That’s for them to decide what they enjoy doing, and I’m here to support them in those pursuits.
When I look through the list of special needs from now on, it’s going to be based on what I can provide this child, not what this child could provide to me. It’s going to be in terms of “do we have supportive programs in our community for that need?” and “will my insurance cover any related treatments?” and “can my family handle this need?”
